Yesterday, a glorious thing happened. I received my new cell phone in the mail.
After three months of no cell phone, I was in a hurry to add contacts, make calls, and let my eager fingers start texting again. Within a flash, I have my cell phone out of the box, and am following directions to get the phone “activated.”
...
It wasn’t working. I needed help. And so, I do the only thing I can. I call customer service.
I dial the number. It rings once.
I hear the voice of a machine.
“Thank you for calling. Please hold. Your call is very important to us. A service director will be with you shortly.”
I wait.
Time goes by.
I hear (what I call) “ding-y” music that sounds like a child playing a recorder.
I hear advertisements for more ways to spend money.
I am still waiting.
“Thank you for calling customer service. My name is _____. How can I help you?”
“Yeah, I am having trouble activating my phone. And---”
“Please hold for a few minutes while I put you in contact with our activation phone advisor.”
It’s the music again. Same advertisements over again. -----
This goes on for sometime. I am transferred to the "activation phone advisor" who had a strong Indian accent and had trouble with English, then I am transferred to the sales department which of course did not help and----- and it simply goes on and on.
I was about six years old when I began to understand why Grace was "different." Ever since then I have prayed and prayed that God would heal her from autism. My family has prayed. My cousins aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, ----- so many people have prayed it seems mind boggling to me.
Yet Grace isnt better. In fact- recently I think her autism has been worse.
A few nights ago I was falling asleep, and Gracie wanted to pray with me. We both knelt down beside the bed and prayed for our country, for missionaries across the globe, for the unreached people, and many wonderful things. Somewhere in the midst of these pleas to our Lord, Grace asked that she would be healed of autism.
My mind began to wander. I stopped praying. "I have prayed for this for so long," I said to myself. "Why isn't He listening!?!?!"
When praying, I feel like I am talking on the phone to customer service. I am "dialing" to God, and then I just get rather obnoxious music. I long for some answers- but all I hear is "please hold- your call is very important to me..."
Right now, I would love to say something profound. But for once, I am speechless.
I could say "I know all things will work together for good," and I am certain they will. But this doesnt make me feel any better. I could say "I trust God to use all things to His glory," and I am He will.
But when it comes down to it, no "answer" makes it better. I am still the little sister of a girl with high level autism- and truthfully- that fact can frighten me.
Yet, while I have no answers, I do have hope. Unlike my being on hold for hours with a machine repeating itself over and over, when I pray, I am going before a God who came to earth and experienced every suffering. He knows my pain. He sees every tear, every hurt, every fear- and understands them. Christ stretched His arms out and died because of the suffering I face.
My favorite song is "In Christ Alone." While you probably have heard it multiple times, re read it once more.
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt of life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand
